New Illiterate Badger: When the humble protagonist described below reveals that he is actually
an interdimensional being who will die and regenerate in a new form, we all get the treat of a new character design and a delightful yellow scarf. This new badger will last for the rest of the comic... or will he?
The Illiterate Badger: Our humble protagonist, he has a temper when it comes to those who
question his inability to read and write. He's also paradoxically prolific as a creative mind. The majority of his time is spent tolerating Robot's schemes, playing the straight man in his little world. He has an undying hatred for the
Speak & Spell.
Robot: He's the Illiterate Badger's best friend, which isn't necessarily a good thing. Obsessed with
sex and
zany schemes to get rich quickly, he's also charismatic enough to start a
revolution or two. Robot is tapped into pop culture, but doesn't really understand what it means to be human (or badger), and he doesn't seem to care to know.
Flower: This British bloom tries as he might to find love with Scarlett, endures the
limitations of a life lived potted, and speaks out on causes. He enjoys burning Robot whenever he can, despite that the pair have enjoyed a couple of
sincere moments. Flower often feels ignored, but is a valuable third of the group. Even if he can't get his own cards during a
poker game.
Bird: The first of our two forest-bound commentators, he enjoys
confusing his pal Chipmunk almost as much as he enjoys confusing the reader. He loves meta jokes, and won't shy away from
a pun.
Chipmunk: He loves food, and any chance to
comment on the way the comic is going. He's an intelligent rodent who always seems ready to keep his friend
Bird in check, but since he can't fly he's a little more prone to
disasters and cuckoldry.
The Innumerate Badger: He's totally literate and even attended college to obtain a
degree in English. What he can't do is
numbers. They befuddle him. He and the Illiterate Badger are
good friends, and as it turns out, family. He can be distinguished primarily by his mustache/goatee combo, which is actually just a mask covering his
true visage.
Scarlett: She's the sassy, smart, lady flower of
Flower's dreams. She doesn't spend a lot of time with the guys because she thinks they are
immature jerks. She has been
re-potted at least once, and is played by Scarlett Johansson in Michael Bay's
The Illiterate Badger: Revenge of the Maulin'.
Brock Cleftjaw: He's a man's man head anchor for News Zone 17 Action News. He likes to
make light banter of unpleasant situations and thinks the world of himself. His mouth got him in trouble once, though, when he was
mauled by the Innumerate Badger. Brock also gave a special report for the 100th edition of The Illiterate Badger.
